If that was a depict of love…then I never want it.
An obsession laced and disguised as love.
So rigid and possessive to an extent of being toxic.
I assured myself that was his way of displaying affection.
I made myself feel I was entitled to such distorted attention.
I somehow believed karma had finally caught up with me for being cold-hearted and breaking a heart in my previous relation.
That I didn’t deserve to be treated any better, and that he had done me a great effort by coming into my life for that matter.
I took away the keys of my freedom and my heart, gave them to a man so selfish and so self inclined.
Blinded by the thought of being in love with love, I made myself a prisoner to someone’s exploits.
Thus, the mind, unguarded and irrational is a deadly den.
I felt pity for him, “how cruel the world had been to him, “I thought.
To swindle the sweet joys and memories of a young boy’s childhood.
Replacing them with pain, hurt and abuse into a young man’s adulthood.
I felt remorse for him, “maybe I can help ease his hurt, “I thought.
To show him what it meant to be loved and accepted despite all odds.
So much such that he distinguishes the real from the frauds.
At first, it was just us two.
Then along came the discovery of a baby, and a delusional baby mama.
At that point, I could have fled, but my desire and fixation of broken people, made me yearn even more for the drama.
I kept telling myself I was the bigger person and that I deserved such.
Thus my first mistake: I stayed, and accepted the tripod situation.
I was drained to the core and treated amiss all in the name of helping someone I thought I cared for.
I had transferred his hurt and pain to myself with no idea as to how it was to be catered for.
I took it upon myself to make him a better person and change.
To see in him what I wanted him to be, than the person that I was supposed to see.
But I was wrong.
So wrong to think I would teach an old dog new tricks.
So wrong to think I would be the one to make him change when it had failed his own mother’ nix.
So wrong to think that he wanted the transition…I was wrong in many ways.
I damned myself for not asking him if he wanted to reform.
Thus my second mistake: I ignored the unruly insults and abusive tendencies.
One minute he was happy and the next, he was rude and untamed.
For a moment my dreams were pushed aside all on a quest to persuade him to be a better version of his own self like an assessor.
No one deserves to be half loved, ridiculed and shown such unfair gestures as of an oppressor.
Thus the heart unguarded and desperate, fell prey to a selfish spaur. Deep down I knew that it was neither my portion nor, was I meant to be in such an entanglement.
I had suffered emotional abuse in a relationship I looked forward to finding the opposite.
Alas, it dawned on me that I still held the anchor to my ship, and at that time I had to let go and sail on.
Hence, never will I ever ignore the red flags, or be on a verge to redeem someone.
I know my worth and take charge of my life and decisions…And so can you.
Emotional abuse is real, therefore be careful how you trade in a relationship.
If you happen to be going through an emotionally toiling union seek help as early as possible. Take care of yourself.
Lastly, Question yourself the following :
■ Is it worth my time and efforts?
■What value does the person bring to my life?
■Does it lead to fruition such as blessed matrimony? or a satisfactory partnership?
PS: This narrative poem expressed here is based truly on the writer’s experience.
So that’s it friends. If you have any advice you feel I should know in regards to relationships, be sure to write it down on the comment section below.
Love Miss Nickiey.❤